The Case Against Suicide

Some people do not want to live because their life is so terrible that there seems to be no other option. It is awful that life becomes that way for some people. But there is seriously something wrong with a person who gets to the point when they do not see the value in living. Something has gone very wrong and immediate intervention is necessary.

Suicide is not an option under any circumstances and one is in need of serious psychological help if they believe that they are not meant to live.

There are those who believe that if they commit suicide, they will meet up with God and have a peaceful life on the “other side.” But the truth is that no one has any idea what death holds.

Shakespeare speculated that those who commit suicide go onto live the antithesis of peaceful life, living essentially in an afterlife of hell, and according to Shakespeare, it was their suicidal act that led them to this terrible afterlife. What if Shakespeare is right and ideas about a peaceful afterlife are wrong? Assuming that there will be peace after suicide may not be correct. One must consider the fact that they really do not know what death will bring. No one truly knows.

Learn From Survivors

Studies show that individuals who have attempted suicide and who survived were thankful to have lived. They realized that whatever was bothering them at the time that they wanted to die passed, and that their problems were solvable.

A woman, 50, describes awakening from attempting to end her life. She recalled repeating the words: “I don’t want to die. Please, I don’t want to die.” Among studies of survivors of suicide attempts none of them ever thought about suicide again. They did not want to die. They just wanted their suffering to end.

Learn from the survivors. No one knows better than they do. Problems are solvable. What seems insurmountable isn’t. Receive help and you will see that your life can improve.

Though one might feel as though there are no options, they are wrong. There are always options, no matter how bad one perceives a situation to be. Seriously considering suicide is a sign of illogical thinking. It is a sign that help is needed immediately.

August 2016: Kathy’s Silent Cry For Help: A Painfully True Story

Kathy was a ten year old girl who lived with her parents and three younger brothers in a middle class neighborhood, but their home was a haunted one.   Unfortunately, the house had a father ghost, but this one was still alive, a sick and frightening presence for all of the family.  He was supposed to be an everyday husband and father, but everyone avoided eye contact with the big man with the face of a devil who moved around like a monster!  Kathy and her young brothers honestly believed their father could read all of their thoughts because he had convinced, practically brainwashed the children into believing  he had such powers. 

Kathy’s father was an extremely sick and dangerous man who had been legally diagnosed by several medical professionals to have paranoid schizophrenia AND manic depression (as it was still called at the time.) He thought the neighbors were talking about him and in many cases they were because of his “wild behaviors.”  The Father would walk around the neighborhood with toilet paper rolls attached to his hat.  He searched for anyone in his path that he could harass.  Father Monster also believed his family was trying to poison him by putting something lethal into his medication.  He also suffered from epilepsy and this infuriated him, but in his distorted thinking this gave him a perfect excuse for his abusive behavior.  He refused to take any responsibility for hurting his children and usually told them as they were being outrageously punished that it “was Mother’s fault!!” This was never the case at all!
As a result of his fear of possibly being poisoned, he began to skip doses of his medication resulting in increased paranoia, erratic  behaviors, and cruel punishments for Kathy and her brothers.  Often punished for innocent “kid stuff” his forms of punishment were close to being torturous!  The children cried and cried, but never let the Monster father see their pain fearing more hurt would follow.
Father had major delusions of grandeur, and I know it may seem like I’m spouting psychiatric “mumbo jumbo” but believe me,  during my adult years as a counselor and Special Education Teacher I sadly learned so much about abnormal psychology and terms related to Father.

The Monster was often busy writing letters to the president of the U.S. and to CEO’s of major corporations, always giving them his advice about running the government and their companies. Father truly believed these people would value his input and write back to him promptly.  He spent many days scribbling all over the kitchen walls, but his writings usually only made sense to him…what a mess!  The children would continue to cry, but no one would dare to wash any of the craziness off if the wall…they feared death or worse! 

Father could never keep a job because he would always argue with his employers and “act out” often causing a need for police to become involved.  Many adults were also afraid of this 6 foot 2 inch monster with the face of EVIL!   His employment was always short-lived.  As a result, the family was poor and the children were made to wear old worn out sneakers picked up at the Salvation Army…and eat canned Spam meat from the Welfare made into as many different meals as possible!  Old sneakers and government food were easier to live with than the constant fear of the Father’s “crazy” punishments.

Kathy and her brothers lived in fear every day because no one knew what would set off the Monster!  For example, Kathy wasn’t feeling well after school one day and was teary-eyed as she entered the house.  She was immediately slapped across the face and punished for not wearing a smile!.  Father would often cut all of his children’s hair so short that they were laughed at by their friends.  Kathy sat and sobbed as he gave her sort of a pixie cut when all other girls were wearing long hair. Her crying angered him even more.  Monster buzz-cut her brothers’ hair so short when other boys wore their hair a little longer at that time.  If the children showed any sadness or tears for the terrible haircuts he would then punish them for that display of negative emotion. Several times he forced them to spend hours sorting out huge piles of screws, nuts, and bolts while sitting on the cold concrete basement floor and they were up until all hours of the night only to have to get up exhausted for school.  

The children talked about what they could do….they had no answer because remember the Monster could read their minds and they were so frightened ALL OF THE TIME!  Mother couldn’t help….so sad!  When all of the pieces in the basement were sorted, Monster would dump them out to mix them all up again!  Kathy and her brothers thought “We could run away…well no, guess we better not because he will kill us for sure!”

Father’s punishments were so cruel and unusual that the children were too petrified to share any information about the abuse with school staff.  They knew they were all alone!  Monster would tip over the children’s beds and dressers, throw their clothes in a pile outside in the snow….he would purposely break favorite possessions and of course,  God help them if they cried because he smashed another television! 😪 Father seemed to enjoy kicking in the front of most of the family’s TV’s, as if it gave him some sick pleasure!  Again, no one dared to look sad, frightened or show tears.

Since Kathy was the oldest sibling she was forced to watch one of her brothers being struck repeatedly because he had trouble learning how to ride a 2 wheeled bike for the first time…who doesn’t have such problems?  She was 10 years old at the time.  Her brother was crying as he tried to keep the bike up and fell, was hit, tried again and fell, and was hit again.  His crying ripped her heart out and made her want to kill the Monster!  She was so young, but her mind was filled with nightmares during so many sleepless nights during her young life during which she tried to murder the Monster in so many ways.  That day watching her brother’s pain, Kathy felt she could take no more.   She climbed up and looked in the medication cabinet, quickly swallowed 12 Tylenol pills and went to her bed, hoping all the pain would soon be gone forever.  Poor little 10 year old….so sad that her life was horrible that she wished for it to end….😔. 

She felt so sad when she awoke later, and much to Kathy’s surprise, she was ok, just nauseous.  She really wished she hadn’t woken up to live again in this house of horrors!  What a horrible feeling to hate being alive!

 A few years later Kathy was forced to go “on dates” with the Monster father!  Kathy was shocked and wondered WHY she was getting dressed up to go to one of her father’s company parties.  She wanted to say no…she felt so disgusting and close to vomiting!  How could this be right?  Why does she have to go with the Monster?  It is supposed to be her mother, not here…she was only a child!  At the parties everyone stared at her as she was forced to dance with HIM!  Kathy tried not to look at the people and wished for the night to be over soon!  She was also forced to go out for coffee or lunch and again felt so physically ill every time. 💔

There were so many other forms of punishment and humiliation that the children endured living in that haunted house with the Monster father, but fortunately today they are all functioning adults with families doing their best.  Sadly they all still bear multiple physical and mental scars, in the forms of anxiety and depression, and PTSD.

It would take many more pages to describe everything the Monster did to his innocent children..  Kathy thought ” maybe someday my brothers and I will write a book about the pain and be very proud we had the strength to endure so much abuse and still be here to talk about it!   They all hoped their story would help others open up about pain and traumatic childhoods in order to begin a long overdue healing process.  Kathy and her brothers agree that even as adults much more healing is necessary to continue living somewhat “normal” happy, peaceful lives. ( then again, what is NORMAL…really?).

Kathy is 62 years old and has been in therapy for about 20 years and is still on medication for panic disorder and clinical depression.  She does not feel good about herself and has low self-esteem even to this day, so definitely plans to continue cognitive therapy and medication.  Some days are easier than others, but Kathy continues to have occasional nightmares about killing the “Monster Father!”  Although he passed away, he seems to live on in her mind.  

Unfortunately, as an adult she has been hospitalized in psychiatric wards three times for intense and real suicidal thoughts.  In her 20 years of therapy, Kathy has worked with at least 6 different professionals, some with whom she felt comfortable, but also some who she was unable to relate to at all.  It has been a long road of ups and downs, with many days that rendered her unable to leave her bed, but Kathy tries to hold on… day at a time. 

Her painful fight with Ovarian cancer and long months of chemotherapy, her wonderful supportive daughter and son-in-law, and her 3 year old granddaughter have given her life NEW meaning, so whenever she feels she is slipping into that dark place again, Kathy is thankful she beat cancer (so far), spends time with her daughter, and visits her “sweetie pie.”  Thank you my girls! ❤️❤️

             Thank you, Kathy and the boys!

Media Stories

Michael Woods survived suicide after a self-inflicted gun shot. In this video he speaks to members of the Billings Skyview Key Club. Woods, 22, lost motor function in all of his limbs after his 2007 suicide attempt.

James Giles was an addict for 18 years. He saw no hope. In October 2000, he climbed a utility tower and jumped. He never expected to survive the incident.

“My mother and my grandmother were standing over me crying. I’d never seen them  in that condition before and that is really when the realization of 18 years of  me doing drugs — how selfish, inconsiderate and self-centered I was,” he said. “I never thought about the consequences it was having on my family, my loved  ones, people who were praying, people sitting up nights wondering where I was or  what I was doing, if I was dead or in jail for killing someone — I came to the  realization I was doing it to myself and to my family.”

There is another way, believe it or not,” he said. “You’ve just got to get sick  and tired of being sick and tired. You’ve got to come to the realization that  you have to take life by the horns and live it…”

Kevin Hines had been suffering tremendously with the symptoms of bipolar disorder.

He pretended to be taking his medications and following a treatment plan but he wasn’t. He was getting worse.

He then came to the conclusion, after hiding his symptoms for months, that he was not okay.

“I didn’t know how to cope,” he said. “I didn’t want to die, but because of my psychosis I believed that I had to die. I thought that everybody hated me, they were just pretending to be nice to me.”

He made the decision to end his life. It made him feel peaceful.

Hines says that many people who decide to end their lives feel peace with their decision. They believe that their pain will be gone.

He climbed over the rail of the Golden Gate Bridge and jumped.

“The millisecond I hit freefall, when my hands and feet left the rail, I said, ‘What have I just done? I don’t want to die. God, please save me,'” he said. “People get shocked into reality and they realize immediately they’ve made a mistake and I knew I made a mistake.”

Hines survived a fall that very few people ever survive.

His life is now devoted to preventing suicide. He says:

“If you’re considering suicide right now, if you’ve ever thought about suicide and it haunts you — suicide is never the solution for any problem. But when you feel that way, you have to know you’re not alone, there are millions of people who have thought about suicide,” Hines said. “Hope exists, and a future, while living with a mental health issue or a suicidal thought, exists. It’s not easy. You have to work hard.”

Read more about Kevin Hines here.

The Story of AJ

AJ began having trouble about the age 13. He had robbed a gas station. His mother was newly married to a man with whom he did not get along.

When he was 16 his stepfather kicked him out of the house.

He was drinking to cope with all that was going on.

At that time, AJ was house-sitting a family friend’s home.

From their gun case, he took a 12-gauge shotgun, went outside and shot himself in the head.

He survived but shot off most of his face.

AJ says that he tried to kill himself that day because he was in so much emotional pain.

“I didn’t want to hurt anymore—I didn’t want to deal with life…I really had a negative attitude at that point in time and it seemed like the only option.”

AJ is now completely blind.

AJ Begs People To Reconsider Their Plan For Suicide

“If we just step back and strive towards tomorrow,  it will get better…And the day after that will be better than the  day before. So never give up. You don’t know how many people you’re going to  hurt by leaving them behind.”

Getting Help

If you are prone to suicidal ideation, then it is wise to have in your possession the national phone number to the suicide help line: 1-800-283-TALK (8255). Call them anytime.

Know The Warning Signs of Suicide

Click here for additional links for help with suicidal ideation.

Disclaimer:  If you are considering suicide, then it is imperative that you seek immediate medical attention;  I cannot assist you. Call 911, go to the hospital or do what is necessary to receive help.

NIMH’s New National Strategy for Suicide Prevention

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